Great Expectations

New chapter, new blog. I decided to keep blogging, but my first blog is done. It holds California. This will hold what's next. The "transition" stage.

So I've been home for almost two weeks now. And I am in a FUNK, which doesn't make sense to me. I'm home! This is where I've always been happiest. But I'm not feelin' it right now--"it" being everything.

I've felt drained for a while now. And it's no one thing. There are several reasons I could point out. Dealing with what I thought was the beginning of a relationship. Moving back home and leaving behind my sister, my niece, and my friends in California. Frustration with the story I'm working on right now. Being in between two stages of my life.

That's a big one, being in between. New York looms in my mind. I'm excited about it, but also scared out of my mind. But I'm still determined as ever to get there. Just a general feeling of restlessness until I get there.

It's funny... I'm reading Great Expectations now and I feel like I'm reading my own story. Well, I'm not ashamed of where I came from like Pip is, but I do feel that sense of dislocation now in my home city. It's like I've been cut out of it and am just repasted on top of it now, not really embedded like I was before. It's like something's been knocked loose inside of me and I don't know if it'll ever be put back.

Who knows what's next? For now, I feel like I'm just floating. Aimless, clueless, anxious. Maybe I'll feel more grounded when I get outta this funk. I hope so. Just holding on for now for whatever comes next...

J